Thursday, May 26, 2011


So, things have been just OK for me lately. I've actually been in a funk for the past week or so. I don't know if I'd call it depression, but it certainly doesn't feel good in my head.

I'm sad.

I can't seem to shake it. I don't know if I'm just hormonal or if I truly am in a depression.

I feel empty. Without a true purpose. Lost.

If I'm not meant to have a child, then what is my purpose here?

Monday, May 9, 2011

Training Starts TODAY

So, I've signed myself up for a 5K on June 11 with my BFF.  That's exactly 33 days from today. I'm excited and nervous because I haven't exercised AT ALL since July of last year. I'm going to try to train everyday except Fridays & Sundays. I'm glad that my friend is doing it with me so that she can hold me accountable when I want to quit. I am the queen of excuses, so I'll need her support to keep me in line....  Hopefully, this process will help me shed those nasty 15 lbs I need to lose, too. J and I are going to the beach a couple of weeks after the race, so I'll hopefully feel more confident in my bikini! 

Monday, May 2, 2011

It didn't work

Yep.... AF flow came like clockwork this morning....  and honestly, I'm OK. Not great, but OK. 

I told myself that if this didn't work, then I would re-direct my energy into being healthy and trying to drop the 15lbs I've gained since we got married. I'm actually looking forward to this!  Bikini season has arrived and I'm feeling less than confident. Clomid made me gain some weight (not much, but some), so I'm ready to shed those extra pounds.

I know that J & I gave it 150% of our efforts and there's nothing more we could have done. Our baby will come to us on God's time. I know he has a plan for us and I am truly at peace with that.  At least we know that we gave it all we had. The rest is up to Him.