1st ultrasound :)

Baby N (that's what we're going to call him or her) is in the right place!!  Yep, the little sac is floating in my uterus, right where it's supposed to.  I was so happy to see that!!!  I was still really nervous that it would be ectopic, even though there's been no bleeding or cramping.  I'm so very relieved and NOW I can start getting super excited :) 

Now...what am I going to do about all this GAS?!?!  Holy moly, I feel like my ass could start a fire somewhere. 

That's it for now!

Week 4 details

Here's my belly (I'm really bloated!):

My symptoms so far..... 

HUNGER!

Sore boobies at night

I feel like I do when I'm getting a cold

My skin is really dry (I prefer this over my usual greasiness)

My symptoms are still worse in the evening.

My beta on friday was 176, which is more than double what it was on Wednesday (it was 71), so that's great news!  I think I may be getting an ultrasound as early as this Wednesday because my RE knows my history with the ectopic and they want to rule it out. I hope I get to see something!  It's OK if I don't because I know it's still REALLY early.

4 weeks down, 36 weeks to go!

It's official!

Yeah, so.....

I"M PREGNANT!!!!!!  

Here's my levels so far:
8/22/11- beta-18; progesterone-18
8/24/11- beta-71; progesterone-29

I'm officially 4 weeks today

So far so good!  I have to go back on Saturday morning for my 3rd beta & progesterone test & I'll have the results the same day...

I'm still in shock and it seems like my symptoms don't really appear until the evenings (so far). I'm praying that it sticks & it doesn't end up being ectopic.  I'm kind of having the same pain on my left side that I had with 2 years ago with that pregnancy.. I won't know anything until I go for my first ultrasound in a couple of weeks...  I really could not handle another loss, especially after J & I feel like this baby is a blessing from God and, in a funny way, a gift from his mom...We think that maybe she put in a good word for us!

I'm just taking each day that I'm pregnant as a blessing and take it one day at a time.... 

I'm so excited and I'm already in love with him/her....  This is what I've been praying for for the past 2.5 years & now our dreams are coming true. It's amazing and God is so good!

Welll

EEEEKKKK!!!!  I'm still in shock!!!  I just got back from Dr. K's office for my beta & progesterone check...nervous and excited and scared.....  On friday at my 7dpo check, my progesterone was only 10, so I'll probably end up with supplements.....   I can't believe it!!!! 

Miracles really do happen....

praying

So the last few weeks have been really difficult for J & I.  I knew it would happen. After I lost my dad, I was numb for about 6 months, so I kind of know what he's dealing with. The difference is that J's not numb...he's pissed. At the world. He & I got into a huge fight this past weekend & I'm pretty sure if I'd kept my mouth shut, it wouldn't have happened. What did I learn from that night?  I need to back off & give him his space. I know he's dealing with all sorts of emotions & I'd like to say that I know exactly what he's feeling, but I don't.  Yes, I've lost a parent. One that I love very much, but there is no way in hell I could handle losing my mom. She's on a whole different level than what my dad would have ever been. Not that his life wasn't significant, but there's nothing like the bond between a mother and her child.

I'm struggling with how to handle him at this point. I feel like I'm on eggshells sometimes.  At times I want to leave and come back when he's better....but I know I can't or shouldn't leave him. Ever. And the truth is, he'll never be the same person. 

That's the secret of marriage, I guess....growing and changing together.  Hopefully never growing apart. It's the hardest thing in the world to me right now.

I'm praying to God everyday that he finds peace with this somehow, someway. 

Sadness

J's mom left this earth on Sunday, July 31 in her home.  She hasn't been well for a few weeks (diabetes, kidney failure, infections) and has been hospitalized for almost 3 weeks. She was able to come home on Tuesday, the 26th and we thought she was going to be getting better. She woke up Sunday morning, got dressed, and was getting ready to enjoy breakfast with her husband. By the time her eggs were ready, she was gone. She went peacefully and in the comfort of her home, which is how she would have wanted it to be.

There are no words that I could say to J, my sister-in-law, or my father-in-law. She was an amazing woman who loved her family more than she loved herself. I wish that I could take this pain away from all of us.  This has been the hardest thing J will ever have to experience. The first thing he said when he found out was "she'll never get to meet her grandchild".  Heartbreaking.

She will be missed by all of us.