praying

So the last few weeks have been really difficult for J & I.  I knew it would happen. After I lost my dad, I was numb for about 6 months, so I kind of know what he's dealing with. The difference is that J's not numb...he's pissed. At the world. He & I got into a huge fight this past weekend & I'm pretty sure if I'd kept my mouth shut, it wouldn't have happened. What did I learn from that night?  I need to back off & give him his space. I know he's dealing with all sorts of emotions & I'd like to say that I know exactly what he's feeling, but I don't.  Yes, I've lost a parent. One that I love very much, but there is no way in hell I could handle losing my mom. She's on a whole different level than what my dad would have ever been. Not that his life wasn't significant, but there's nothing like the bond between a mother and her child.

I'm struggling with how to handle him at this point. I feel like I'm on eggshells sometimes.  At times I want to leave and come back when he's better....but I know I can't or shouldn't leave him. Ever. And the truth is, he'll never be the same person. 

That's the secret of marriage, I guess....growing and changing together.  Hopefully never growing apart. It's the hardest thing in the world to me right now.

I'm praying to God everyday that he finds peace with this somehow, someway.