Friday, January 20, 2012

25 weeks, so...

This means there's only 15 weeks left!  I'm wondering if I'll go early or if I'll go over my due date. I've heard that 1st timers tend to go over, but we'll see.  I don't want to be induced unless it means Ava's safety.  I'd prefer to let nature/God decide when she gets here.  Here's my birth plan:  enema (if there's time, PLEASE!), epidural (if there's time), and a Jimmy John's spicy italian sub- I've been craving this for so long & I can't wait to sink my teeth into it!  I'm easy!  People who make "birth plans" bug me.  I mean honestly, the dr.'s know A LOT more about giving birth than I do & I trust that they'll do what's best for me and my baby. I'm not going to freak if something has to change at the last minute (like a c-section) or something. I'll just have go with whatever gets thrown my way.

I had the worst dream ever last night....
For some reason I was put to sleep to give birth to Ava & when I woke up, I was at my mom's on her couch.  I asked her where Ava was & she pointed to the other room.  When I went in there, Ava was in my dog's big crate sleeping.  I woke her up & she turned to look at me & smiled.  But she had a mouth full of big white teeth!  Then I picked her up, so I could get a better look at her & she had little tiny arms (like on a T-rex) with two fingers in each spot where there would normally be one finger (so 20 fingers in all!).  And she had 7 toes on one foot & 8 on the other. I started sobbing & asking why the doctors never told me she'd look like this.  All the women in my family were there & kept telling me how perfect she was.  I was scared, angry, and sad.  But I kept telling Ava that I loved her no matter what....

So weird!  When I go to see Dr. C next week, I'm demanding an ultrasound so I can count all of her digits.

Some great news is that we got the house!  We close next Friday (the 27th) at 4pm. We can't wait to get out of the rental...  I'm so ready to start painting Ava's room & the rest of the house. Since J's such a great artist, I'm giving him *most* of the creative control on her room.  He's going to do a mural for her walls. I'll pick the color scheme, of course.  It'll definitely be soft, soothing colors because I don't want too much stimuli in there.  Anyway, it'll be so great to have something that we can grow into together for many years to come. 

On a negative note- my father-in-law is an a-hole. I haven't talk about it here yet, but it's time. Since my mother-in-law passed away (not even 6 months ago!), my father-in-law (i'll call him "T") has met a woman (we'll call her "Crazy") and announced his ENGAGEMENT to the family last weekend.  T has not only moved on faster than I could change my underwear, he's completely ignored his kids cries for comfort and frustration of the loss of their mother (his WIFE of 40 years). He has told my sister-in-law to "F off", because she was curious about where her mother's jewelery is.  Crazy drinks too much and basically lives in la-la land. And she wears fur coats. She's obnoxious and has no idea how her presence makes everyone feel. She acts like we're all accepting of her and T and like my mother-in-law never even existed. I can't stand her & I'm pretty sure she's aware of that fact. I don't care. 

They're both selfish & I'm kind of at the point that I don't want either of them around Ava. Mostly because every time we're with them, they're drunk (it's super classy). And the fact that T talked to his own daughter like she's a piece of garbage. If he treats her that way, what's stopping him from treating Ava like that? I've lost all respect for T and it hurts.  Mostly because for 5 years, I looked at him like he was my dad too.  Once J's mom died, though, his true colors came shining through.  Everything I thought he was has gone away. I have nothing to say to either of sucks for J too. Not only has he lost his mom, he's now feeling like he's lost his dad.  No child should ever feel that way.

The only positive thing from all of this is that J has learned what NOT to do as a father. He's going to be an amazing dad.... 

1 comment:

  1. stumbled across your blog and decided to go waaaay back to early last year and read all your posts! What an awesome, emotional journey you guys have been on - but I'm SO thrilled for where things are heading for you both. Very excited to follow your journey and can't wait for you to introduce little Ava to the blogging world!
    Love and blessings, Chrissie x