waiting (again)

So, here I am again.  Waiting to O. 

I went to my day 12 appointment on Tuesday & they did an ultrasound & more bloodwork. I have 1 maturing follicle in my right ovary that was 19mm (that's almost 2 centimeters!) & my lining was 8mm.  They said everything looks great & I'm responding really well to the clomid. My nurse said I'll get my surge when the follicle is around 25mm. They grow about 2mm per day, so it should be big enough by Friday & I should get a positive on my OPK (a smiley face, since I use digital ones).

Once I get the smiley face, I have to call & they'll schedule the IUI for the following day. But, if I haven't gotten a positive by Saturday morning, to call them & they'll give me a "trigger" shot (HCG- 10,000iu) to force my egg out of the follicle. Then the next day, I'll get turkey basted. So, the absolute latest I'll get the IUI will be Sunday!

Once I get the IUI, I have to go in seven days later to check my progesterone levels, then seven days after that, i get to take a pregnancy test!  It's making me nervous though, because we will be in St. Pete for a wedding, the weekend I should be taking the pregnancy test. Maybe I can find a walk-in clinic down there that will do a blood test for me. Or maybe I should just try to relax while I'm at the beach & deal with it all on Monday when we return.

I feel like it's happening very fast & I'm excited, hopeful & scared all at the same time. I know that the IUI is NOT a guarantee, but it definitely gives me a better chance of getting our baby. J fessed up last night that he's embarrassed by us doing the IUI. He thinks it's affecting his manhood & he "can't get the job done". I've only told my closest girlfriends, but he hasn't told ANYONE except his parents. I feel bad for him, but I reminded him that that's how I've been feeling for 2 years. I think he finally understands. It makes me sad that he's feeling so bad about this. I told him that yes, it sucks, but it doesn't mean that we can't make the most of it. I want the conception of our child to be a positive and happy event. Not one that we are dreading and feel lousy about.